Thursday, November 27, 2014

Most Thankful

As I reflect on this last year and all of it's struggles, I am humbled by all who have supported me. Strangers, family, old friends, new friends, you all have been my strength when I have physically and/or mentally run out. You help pick me up when I am broken, like God just sent you right when I needed you most. You encourage me and tell me how strong I am when I feel my weakest. You walk with me even when you don't understand my path.

Thank you to my parents, who give me the shirt off their back. Thank you for letting me into your home, I know it's not always easy! Thank you for your patience and constant love and support. 

Thank you Jessica, my sister, and best friend. For always listening when I need to vent. (About living with mom and dad) (just kidding!) Thank you for your beautiful boys that always help me feel better, and your husband who treats me like I was born his flesh. I am lucky to have you and your whole family by my side. 

I could list all my friends who have been amazing to me, but I won't. I hope you know who you are and how much you mean to me, in every little small way you help! 

I want to especially thank all those who donated to my medical fundraiser. Come high and low I was overwhelmed by the love and generosity of my supporters. I am ashamed I haven't yet thanked each of you individually yet. I hope you feel me giving you a big giant hug!! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU! 

I don't know what the future holds, surely more trials and hard times, continued ups and downs, battles and victories, but with all of your support I know I can make it through the worst. I would be lying if I said life was easy right now, but I still have faith that one day I will return to the full "Tara" again. 

I hope everyone's hearts are as full as their bellies today! I love you all, Happy Thanksgiving! 

Tara


"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever." 1 Chronicles 16:34

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation." Romans 5:3-4

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Sunny days; EHCD week 4

Well I have been busy. I didn't know I was going to feel so busy while not working! But it's all been extremely worth while. I've been finishing up my testing (actually today was my last day of just the testing part) with some pretty tough days during that. I had to get oxygen one day I reacted so bad to mold testing. I certainly can't deny mold is a big issue for me, and for that reason I know I have not wasted my time or money at the Environmental Health Center of Dallas. I also learned chemicals, Enviromental allergens and foods give me reproduction of my pain, burning and tingling, headaches, foggy head/light-headedness and knee pain. With each of them affecting me a little differently. Just about everything I reacted to makes my darn left knee hurt. Grr! But fear not, now I have the individualized end point (the dose when I neutralize the allergen and no longer react to them) to each of the things I react to that I will (or have already) take antigen shots for to desensitize myself and ultimately get rid of my symptoms over time. 

I will say I was skeptical before starting treatment of the methods, price, time involved etc that entailed getting treatment at EHCD. Well I have to sing Dr Rea's praises because this man is a pioneer in the seemingly small and inadequately addressed field of Environmental Medicine. He is THE MAN of Environmental Medicine! He starts every follow up visit with "well what did we learn?" ha and is surprisingly sharp for his advanced age. But he still sees every patient being treated at EHCD and runs the whole place. My Physical Therapist brain cringes every time I see him walk with horrible gait, but I refrain from giving him any gait advice lol. I still have met only one other person there from the DFW area, only one, and the rest travel from around the nation, or world (there's a few from other countries) with a very big range of degree of illness. Some are extremely sick :( I have added all my EHCD friends to my healing prayers. Feel free to do the same if that's within your beliefs. 

I've learned a lot more about my illness. Well kind of, because in some ways I'm even more uncertain. But it doesn't matter anymore, because now I know how I'm going to get better. And I am fully confident I will. Period. And I am on my way. 

What I know: I have chronic viruses and mold toxicity that could account for all my symptoms. Possibly some other more outside the box/controversial things attributing too. (if you are also sick and/or curious what all I'm talking about feel free to ask me). Am I positive I have Lyme Disease, no. Is it likely that I have had exposure in the past to it and/or other co-infections, maybe? However it has come to light that Lyme may not be my biggest problem right now whether I have had it or not. Regardless something triggered some kind of event activating illness several years ago. I've had varying degrees of illness/issues since. I've got a few theories as to what certain triggers or issues happened, like at some point I can't deny mold exposure. I now know I have chemical sensitivity, so fragrances, cleaners, air fresheners etc give me problems.  I know all this sounds kind of crazy to someone unfamiliar with living through chronic illnesses. I don't really care not to be rude. :) This is my life and my truth as best I know it. I stand by my decisions to never give up and keep searching for the answers that will help me. If you know me, you would expect nothing less than my stubborn self fighting back with unrelenting strength. No illness can ever take that away from me!

I also saw a couple weeks ago a Naturopathic Doctor who works with Dr Lee Cowden, one of the top treating/researching Lyme Doctora. I can see both Physicians conjointly if I want in the future. I left his office feeling like I found the missing piece of my healing puzzle, and this man was going to help me become Tara again. Sometimes I just know, like God telling or reassuring me. Yeah we talk, it's pretty cool. Ha! Anyways, he had impressive technology called Zyto. Let's just sum it up by saying I learned a lot in my 3 hour initial evaluation. He adjusted some supplements for things like adrenal support, things to knock down my high viruses, mycotoxins etc. I also started the Cowden Lyme herbals protocol (developed by dr Lee Cowden). Doing good on that so far. 

The good news, if your still reading with me during my rambling, is I am improving! And I just know I am on the path of full healing and the verge of a huge turnaround. My energy is improving, pain is much slower progress, and my brain seems to be working a little better. The rest of this week I am doing treatments to help me, and going to continue exercising to build my strength back up. I start back at work next week and that will be my big test. I pray I don't have any set backs and have given myself enough time to be strong enough to handle it. Stay tuned. Meanwhile I am soo ready to be out enjoying life again! I have finally started getting out of the house more. I feel like I have missed out on a lot and I don't want to miss anything anymore. I definately have a new appreciation for energy, endurance, strength, and stamina. I still have to pace myself to a degree (eye roll, who's got time for that) but I am just glad I can enjoy some life again. So be sure to invite me to your next fun activity/outing :)


Maybe this picture from Environmental Health Center Dallas helps..

And I like this one too..


Fun fact of the day: There are 78 more days until Christmas! 

Rude fact of the day: I am laying by the pool right now as I type this🙊☀️

Have a blessed day y'all!

Tara

7 beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7 ASV)

Monday, September 15, 2014

EHCD week 1

So I am 4 days into Detox (I get a kick out of saying that) and well nothing is detoxed yet. I didn't realize the testing process would be so long, intensive or hard for me to tolerate. So it will likely take longer than expected. I have to get through testing before I can order antigen treatment (takes about 2 weeks to get that). The antigens will help me slowly rid the body of what it is I'm allergic to like molds etc. The doctor thinks I will need antigen shots (likely) a couple years, but really it's until I'm better. I am still waiting on some blood work tests to see if I would benefit from other treatments there like oxygen therapy, gamaglobulin, ALF. And still figuring out what all those are/do/cost. I should get my blood test results and know more about that tomorrow. I expect I will be a candidate for a few things, but will have to decide if it's worth the cost. I have started IV vitamins, glutathione etc to help my symptoms. 

So I mentioned I'm not better (yet). Testing the molds is hard for me to tolerate. Literally the first one I did skin testing on I thought I was going to pass out. I got really dizzy, a bad headache and worse body pains. I couldn't think the rest of the afternoon. For that reason I am spacing my mold testing out so I'm not on the floor :) 

Meanwhile I have continued to stay off my antibiotics under my own decision. I am going to share what I am doing right now, but please don't judge me, period. Unless you have lived what I am going through you have no idea..nuff said. So I am self educating on lots of things right now, or trying to. Lyme herbals, herbal protocols, essential oils, biofilm treatments and protocols (as I am chronic). It's overwhelming but I will have help soon. I am going to a very well experienced Lyme Literate Naturopathic Doctor next week to help guide me. Back to what I am doing now, since stopping antibiotics I feel certainly no worse, and maybe a tad better. I decided to go back on OTC citricidal and biofilm defense recommended by another Naturopath I have seen. I also just got A-Bart a powerful liquid to treat bartonella. I have taken it 2 days and boy that stuff is strong! One drop..that's all it takes and all I've got for now. I decided I wanted to start Lyme treatments again, listening carefully to my body, while doing the environmental treatment because I don't feel like the environmental stuff is all of the puzzle. And I want to get 100%. Or at least in the all A's you know what I'm saying!?! I am off work, which is weird by the way, and focused on fully healing myself. I would also prefer to start something new and get a bad first herx done and over before I go back to work. I think about my patients and co-workers a lot. I'll be back soon enough! 

I just started some doing some sauna and exercise (to tolerance) again which I am excited about. It's slow and I'm not the patient type but I have learned my lessons on when to stop from pushing too hard in the past. I want my FULL strength back. Or I'll take some more for now at least!

On a positive note I have zero allergic reaction the dogs. Not that I would ever get rid of my healing buddy Bear :) He is a little shy for pictures lol


I hope everyone has a blessed week! 
-Tara 


"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for Jehovah, even Jehovah, is my strength and song; and he is become my salvation."
Isaiah 12:2 ASV

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Recharged and ready for more

Well I am back from vacation and MAN did I need it. It was the best week of my life so far, and I can't describe how grateful I am for having the opportunity to go. I had a big improvement in my symptoms and I soaked up every second of the sun, beach and water. I left for my trip tired, losing my strength physically and mentally to fight. I was runing on fumes and desperate to build up some kind of immune system before starting detox. So I stopped antibiotics. I have been off my oral antibiotics now for over 3 weeks after giving them 4 months. I was tired of continuing to feel worse. The thing about this disease is there is not a manual that works for everyone. So I am learning to listen to my body and signs from God to guide my health decisions. I felt like I could not take one more blow or thing making me worse so I stopped the antibiotics. The IV injections I got (megativamen, hydrogen peroxide and glutathione) before leaving for vacations definately helped too. For the out if pocket cost it better! I am so glad I got a reminder of some much needed normalcy and living on my vacation and now I am ready to fight again! BRING IT ON.

Tomorrow I start at the Environmental Health Center of Dallas (EHCD) that I have posted about before. I'm anxious and excited, and don't like having to take FMLA from work. But something must be done. I can't financially afford to go, but my health can't afford not to go if you know what I mean. Thank you so much for those thay have continued to donate to my fundraiser. I am blessed to say my expenses for tomorrow (I start at 930 and will be there all day) should be entirely covered! I will stretch the money as far as possible, but if you have been procrastinating and want to donate now is the time!

Here is the link:

https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/tara-s-lyme-fight-fund/213367

If anyone is interested, I found this chart that has a pretty good breakdown of symptoms for Lyme and different co-infections. 


A good article I found that studied Lyme and the disability affects compared to other chronic and severe diseases: 


Wish me luck tomorrow!! Here is one of the sunset pics from my trip. Love,
Tara


14 Heal me, O Jehovah, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise. (Jeremiah 17:14 ASV)

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Lyme Doctor #2?

I met a new doctor that has been treating Lyme for 14 years this week. So far I'm impressed. I am getting IV megavitamins right now and tomorrow will get hydrogen peroxide and glutathione IV's. Which like everything it seems that can help me, is not covered by insurance. But I'll try anything to help me feel alive before vacation! I want to play in the water, walk on sand and heaven forbid even play a little sand volleyball (I hope!). I need life breathed back into this 92 feeling 29 year old body!

Not only is having Lyme really, I mean REALLY tough at times, but the very FEW doctors that treat it have different approaches and opinions on what works and what doesn't. You really have to learn to be your own patient advocate, do your homework and then just try what the expert thinks. If it doesn't work it's on to the next I suppose. And hope you don't run out of options or go bankrupt before finding what helps. (No joke) I've got more researching and listening to my body to do before I figure out which Lyme doctor I go with after my trip. And after my trip I start my detox treatments at Environmental Health Center Dallas. I am trying to be more excited about the possibility of improvement but the super heavy financial burden weighs on me. Oh well, can't take money with you when you die right?! 

Unrelated to my health, I said goodbye to my last living Grandfather this past weekend. I am glad he is in a better place but he sure will be missed. I plan to bring him home a vial of sand to keep by his ashes since he played pro baseball out in Florida back in his day. Love you gramps! 

So here is to hoping my IV's today and tomorrow make a BIG difference! I will be happy with any, I mean any help. I feel like I'm running on fumes here lol!

Hope everyone has a blessed day!

Love,

Tara

14 Salute one another with a kiss of love. Peace be unto you all that are in Christ. (1 Peter 5:14 ASV)

Sunday, August 10, 2014

4th Doctor visit and what's next

Last Monday I went to my 4th visit with my LLMD (Lyme literate medical doctor). I came fully armed with research and a lot of questions. Here's the summary:

1.) BARTONELLA
Or also referred to as BLO (Bartonella like organisms) in the Lyme world, and aka cat scratch fever. This is one of the common co-infections that gets transmitted with Lyme. Or I guess you can get it from a scratch of an infected animal and some sources say mites, and I forget what other biting insects. It comes with it's own symptom list that can be as bad or even worse than Lyme. My doc and I are pretty certain I have this and it is the reason my feet feel like I'm standing on fire everyday. We had not addressed this yet medically (no treatment for it yet). So we switched one antibiotic for another of my cocktail of 3 as well as added a (expensive of course) neutraceutical. Hopefully I won't herx too bad with the change up. 

2.) CHELATION THERAPY
I had been on this over 2 months, about 2 and 1/2 months now using DMSA to pull out my heavy medals. This is likely another big reason (along with unaddressed bartonella) that I was getting worse. I can not tolerate chelation, it's too hard on me so we decided to stop. This girl's gotta be able to keep working. 

3.) THE MOLD AND MEDAL "ONION"
My LLMD feels strongly that with my toxic mold and heavy medals we cannot get down to the root of the problem, the Lyme. It was explained to me to think of it like an onion, the outer layer is the mold and medals and you can't get down to the Lyme inside until you fully address and eliminate those. We have tried the longer slower less expensive route and I could not tolerate it. So my doc wants to me to go to THE expert in environmental medicine that as I understand it, created this detox program that is suppose to be one of the best.

4) ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH CENTER OF DALLAS
www.ehcd.com
This is where I need to go next to do intensive detox for molds and medals. Basically you go there every day and do what you need like a 9-5 thing Monday-Friday or Saturday (and I'm complicated so probably a few weeks) until your better. Sounds great right?! Well this place is not in network with any insurance so you have to pay upfront cash/charge. They don't even offer payment plans nor care credit card. And depending on how much you do/need it can add up very quickly. A very rough estimate of what it could end up costing me for all I would need to help me is 10k-20k. Here is their estimate price sheet:


The possibility of this place in my future what my biggest reason I started my fundraiser recently. I have a lot of medical debt charged already, and I will probably open a new credit card where I can get no interest for a year to use at EHCD. I start the second week of September. I have researched to see if other places provide similar programs and are covered by insurance. The only other options I found are also cash based. If anyone knows of any places that have programs similar please let me know. To give to my fundraiser and help me get the next treatment I need to get better see my page:

https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/tara-s-lyme-fight-fund/213367

Thanks again for all your love and support! 

Tara

"Search me, O God, and know my heart: Try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:23-24 ASV

Sunday, August 3, 2014

I call this, but you look so normal

My favorite compliment is you look so normal, you don't look sick! Makes me wonder if I should have went into acting :) but I was far too shy growing up to do that! Luckily I grew out of a lot of it. I just wanted to try and share bits and pieces of a day in my Lyme life..


This is what I spend at least 30 minutes or more preparing each weekend for the upcoming week. It is one week of the Meds and suppliments I have to take.


This is my box of stuff I take. I pull from each bottle to sort my week ahead. I made a speadsheet now to follow with all I take on it each day. Otherwise I can't keep track of how much of what all to take when.


Then I transfer one day's worth of pills to this handy container I keep in my purse. It saves me from forgetting to take the Meds when I was at home and left before taking them or something like that. Lessons learned!


My wild and crazy Saturday nights. Don't be jealous! :)

Since I like to end on a positive note, here is me and cutie Cade. My nephews are better medicine than any bottle can provide :) 

There, a now doesn't that face just make you feel better?! (Not mine haha)

I go to my Lyme doctor tomorrow for a follow up visit and I am praying for some changes in my plan that make a difference. Thank you for those that have already donated, your contributions will go toward my cost of my appointment tomorrow! To donate please see the link in my last post. 

Love,

Tara

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my partion...therefore I hope in him!"
La 3:22-24 NKJV


Saturday, August 2, 2014

Fundraising website

I made the hard decision to make a donation site to help with my Medical bills. If you are interested check it out here:


https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/tara-s-lyme-fight-fund/213367


Tara

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Is there a science experiment growing in your body?

A science experiment growing inside me is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear talk about toxic mold in your body aka "mycotoxins"

Apparently this can really be a big problem for people, and well it looks like you can add me to the list. Because if it's weird or rare I am a pro at having it apparently! (Pardon the sarcasm) On a serious note I got mycotoxin testing done through Real Time Laboratories in Carrollton, TX. All you have to do is get a test kit and mail them your pee. Oh and fork up $700 (big ouch) that insurance doesn't re-imburse you for. 

I tested positive for Trichothecene Group. Not sure what that means but I just started reading an article my LLMD (Lyme Literate Medical Doctor) sent me about Mold. And I quote "Trichothecenes are considered extremely toxic and have been used as biological warfare agents" Great!! That sounds fun..yeah can you get this stuff out of me please?!

I was told the mold can possibly cause many of the symptoms and issues I'm currently having so the doc wants me to see a specialist to do an intensive mold detox program. So this is the latest area of research and studying and possibly (likely) going to pursue medically. It's always interesting seeing what road this disease and journey to wellness leads me down next, but MAN is it exhausting. 

My life now is: doctor appointments, refer to new specialist, do paperwork for new doc, fax paperwork, find old medical records, re-fax since they didn't get them, submit claim to insurance for back pay which come to find out I won't get any, order supplements, keep track of multiple supplement inventory and order before running out, sort huge pill box for the weekly Meds, make all food from house because of strict clean non/toxic diet, read about nutrition, methylation/MTHFR, Lyme treatment protocols, mold and heavy medal detox protocols, try to get lots of prayer and worship in because Lord knows how oh so bad I need it right now, workout, pass out from working out when I was too exhausted or pushing too hard, sauna, get massage/body work (not complaining about that part!) to help muscle and joint pain, grocery shop for picky healthy foods only at certain stores so got to go to them separately and in time to not run out of my favorites, place farmer's market orders in advance so they have what I want saved and don't run out, cry because I can hardly walk and have to push myself up to stand, pay medical bills, stress over how the heck am I gonna pay for all this, order RX refills, call because the MD wrote for the wrong RX amount (twice, and with the same med)...then add in any work stress, family stress, other life stress and my cup is feeling pretty darn full. Ok it feels past full..

I apologize for complaining so much tonight but I am so exhausted and so worn out from all of this taking a toll on me. This is me and my life right now. And it's not getting better...YET 

I just keep reaching new lows knowing that my uphill just has to be coming soon. Literally, I'm not sure I can take much more, but I do know that I WAS BORN FOR THIS. I was born the take it. 

So I end my post tonight with IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT LYME?!! Cause you're gonna have to try a heck of a lot harder to take me down :) 

-side note, sorry to my closest loved ones I have broken down on, complained to and possibly copped and attitude with recently. 😱 Thank you so much for your love, support and understanding! And remember your prayers under agreement with my prayers bring miracles into action:

Matthew 18:19-20
"Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by the Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."

Peace and love,

Tara

Friday, July 18, 2014

Sunday, July 13, 2014

3 months and counting

Well it has been 3 months now since I started treatment. 

First off, who has time to blog?! I have really been slacking lately, because I still have so much I want to share about Lyme. Like anywhere from 40-60%-ish (different sources have diff numbers) of suffers don't remember being bit by a tick. I don't. And other sources say Mosquitos or other biting or blood sucking insects can also transmit. I shared an article recently of a collaboration of testing across big Texas Universities testing ticks throughout Texas and northern Mexico. And ticks had lyme, and based on our climate they are here to stay. Here's the article:
http://bionews-tx.com/news/2014/06/25/lyme-disease-bacteria-now-endemic-to-texas-likely-to-stick-around-study-finds/

 One day I will get around to saying all I want to say. But I have been busy re-claiming my life and learning how to balance living it and listening to what my body needs. I'm doing what's best for me right now. Well trying to :) It's a learning process. And a lot of times that means doing something else besides posting. However, I do get called to share things and after what happened today I couldn't resist. 

I have been struggling the last several weeks with my symptoms. Overall I am not really sure I can say I have made a lot or possibly any progress compared to before starting treatment. I have definitely gotten better at managing it with various tools and tricks I have learned, but my pain still sucks and my fatigue isn't where I would like it to be. Being the person I am I keep pushing to do more and go go go. Maybe it's just been catching up with me more. On to my story I wanted to share:

I woke up this morning feeling bad. Like have to help push myself up from a seated position with my arms, I literally bear crawled up and down the stairs bad. (Nice visual huh?!) The kinda day where you have the strength to basically lay in bed all day. Which I haven't been that bad since the whole "it gets worse before better" (aka herx reaction) after first starting Meds. I normally go to the 10am service at my church. Today I opted to watch online. It's amazing how God plans his ways to work in your life when you need it most. The service today was about rejoicing in God always and especially in harder times. We should praise him as though he has already brought you through your tough time or already answered your prayers having faith he will. Praise him and be happy that you have a faithful servant God. Well I was hearing the message and by then bawling and crying out. I started praising and worshiping God and then I heard it in the clearest voice: "Stand up my child." God had spoken to me. I stood and immediately started feeling better and stronger. I got more energy and knew I was going to able to finish the day as I originally intended (going to my nephew's soccer game, then aunt and uncles house to see family etc). His words were calm, stern yet gentle. Get up my child. And I am so grateful for this day he has brought me feeling better!

It's always a little hard for me opening up and sharing so deeply but I know it's for a reason somewhere somehow. I hope you choose to praise God today because MAN HE IS GOOD! Can I get an Amen?!!  

Thanks for following my progress, and feel free to comment or ask questions is you have any! Ps no test results yet, not sure why they are taking so long. Have a blessed Sunday everybody 

Love,
Tara


1 Peter 6-7:

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer, grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuiness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

100 baby!

Well I went for my 3rd follow up appointment today. 

This was my favorite part and had me crying happy tears once it sunk in:

I asked about my future prognosis. I was told I am expected to make 100% recovery. Not mostly, not 90% but 100%!! I am still a little in shock. The only but or stipulation would be if I have cartilage joint damage that happened during the many years of issues, but I don't think I have any or if so very little. BOOM! Best news ever! And I am still in shock :) did I mention I am in shock?!

It won't happen tomorrow. I was given a time frame 6-18 months. I am shooting for 4 ;)

Bring it on!!!

Best wishes to all tonight.

Love Tara


"Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you" 
Matthew 7:7 

Monday, June 2, 2014

In the beginning, from then until now

I wanted to share when and how my health problems started. Brace yourself, this is a long one. To the best of my ability, so here we go:

My big "autoimmune" blow up happened towards the end of the summer of 2008.

To back up a little before that I would say my issues started within the last 1-2 years (or maybe a little more) of undergraduate school. I played volleyball in college and had a lot of pains that I contributed to "athletic injuries" or "overuse" pain. Normal for a college athlete right? Well looking back I believe I had more going on than normal sports related pain, at least towards my last years. I just thought I was getting old rounding out my early 20's and all!

More noticeable/note worthy things that happened were some random attacks of "air hunger." A feeling that you can't get a breath in and like your lungs are closed off. Doctors called it exercise induced asthma, gave me an inhailer (which did nothing) and couldn't find anything wrong with my lungs or heart. It would happen very randomly, one day I was out running my teammates doing suicides (just kidding guys if any of y'all are reading this!) the next day I couldn't breathe. Along the same lines a few times in the middle of games or practice my face would go white, I would struggle to catch any breath and it felt like I lost circulation to my feet and hands. Then I would get really anxious that I was going to pass out (but never did thank goodness).

I have always loved naps. But my last year of undergrad I basically needed one to get through the day. An overwhelming need to lay down. At least that is when it started.

So then to fast forward a bit, I graduated in December of 2007, started pre-requisites for Physical Therapy school, worked as a Physical Therapy tech and continued running my swim lesson business summer of 2008. 

The big blow up: (starting end of summer 2008)

Ok on to the definitive changing point. It started with sore elbows when I layed on my stomach studying, it made me change positions. Then one knuckle got swollen and painful like I just jammed it blocking playing volleyball. Then two, then 3 then all. It fairly quickly progressed to every joint on both sides of my body from elbows down and knees down being swollen, stiff and extremely painful. I couldn't workout anymore, I could hardly walk (I was limping). I had to walk sideways down the stairs in the AM. Couldn't open a jar, water bottle and just turning the door knob hurt. I had flu-like fatigue and weakness and more air hunger issues. Regular naps were again a must. Even the bridge of my nose got inflamed, I could see it in my daily sight, and was tender and pink. I also got a little rash on the inner corners of my eyes. A bunch of weird stuff was going on!

I went to my doctor finally (I am a little stubborn and didn't want someone telling me I couldn't be a Physical Therapist one day). He ran a lot of tests. The only things that showed up were elevated systemic inflammation markers (duh) SED rate and CRP. I started prednisone and that helped right away. I took that for a while but after I tapered down low dose and off of it, I was still having issues. I went to a Rheumatologist  that did a lot more test and was a bit stooped by me. Incidentally I had an atypical positive P-ANCA blood test (atypical basically means not a strong conclusive positive). So he diagnosed me with a type of small vessel ANCA associated Vasculitis. They are 3 that are closely related but have different symptoms and presentations. Since I didn't fit any profiles nicely he kept changing what diagnosis he called it and seemed uninterested in my less severe but still persistent problems I still complained of. Regardless I was taking methotrexate and prednisone for a while and was still making progress. I got off prednisone after maybe close to a year on a low dose (not sure exactly how long) and continued with methotrexate. By then I was able to do what I wanted to do and managed my symptoms with lots of NSAIDS. 

When I got into PT school at UT Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas (which is also a top ranked amazing medical school) I went to a Rhematologost there since they have top leading doctors. That doctor took one brief look at me and said I think your fine and don't have the ANCA associated Vasculitis. The only thing he could find in my bloodwork was a positive ANA (non-specific marker for something autoimmune going on in the body). He took me off methotrexate. I continued to have pain of a non-orthopedic pattern (which drives a PT student crazy trying to self diagnose) and started having tingling/burning and tarsal tunnel like symptoms. I would lose circulation and have numbness and swelling in hands and feet working out, with occasional difficulty breathing like my air hunger issues. The pain would get so bad I'd sometimes have to take pain medicine. 

So I went back searching for more answers. I wanted to make sure I didn't have any systemic inflammation again, but again all tests were negative. I went to an excellent orthopedic surgeon to have my knees evaluated. MRI's and scanning by that MD and a handful of skilled PT's were without explanations. By then I was also already trying to self treat things like my knee pain with some exercises/things to help.

The next few years were filled with more NSAIDs, worsening burning of my feet through clinical rotations and starting my career, and worsening and progressive joint pains. By then I started having more difficulty critically thinking by the end of the day, and short term memory was difficult at times. 

I've been to 2 Neurologists after my numbness/tingling/burning that was going on in my feet and up my legs started in my hands. My nerve symptoms are always in my hands and feet, then as they get worse (varying by time of day or if I'm having a good or bad day) it moves closer to my trunk (or up my arms and legs). The Neurologists concluded I have normal sensory and motor nerve function (a very good thing) but by clinical presentation a small fiber neuropathy. That means it affects the fibers that control pain and temperature. So it hurts (I could have told them that) and I don't differentiate hot and cold as well with my hands and feet. I was told it's the best prognostic kind to have (meaning better chance of getting better one day, hopefully) but most painful kind. 

Around last summer (2013) my symptoms were starting to bother me so much it was getting harder and harder to do my job. Which by the way I LOVE, worked hard for, and never want to give up.

I went to a 3rd Rheumatologist who put me back on medicine I took before (methotrexate/prednisone combo). I maybe got a tiny bit of help from prednisone but overall got no better and continued to worsen. By then it was safe to say I had done lots of homework. With my medical background I had some knowledge of autoimmune conditions but I studied more. I tried to find anything and everything out there that could fit my complex symptoms and history. I went to a functional medicine doctor and got food allergy tested, stool analysis done (yes I sent my poop in the mail, don't judge me), and learned more about healing my gut and stomach issues with him and through functional medicine. I was introduced to functional medicine in PT school and hope more and more doctors practice under more of their philosophy. They look for the root cause of illness and problems instead of giving pills for everything (basically masking the symptoms and not resolving underlying problems). I'm getting side tracked, here's the website if you want to check it out:

https://www.functionalmedicine.org 

Back to trying to figure out what was going on. The Rheumatologist and I concluded I never had the ANCA associated vasculitis and didn't know what was really wrong. She recommended more Rhuematology specialists to see. (One she recommended was going to UTSW which is already done by the way. 

I decided it was time I listened to my signs.

I had the opportunity to meet 2 remarkable people in my past that now looking back, changed my life. They were living with Lyme disease. I listened with empathy and interest in learning more about this disease, that I admittedly was unfamiliar with at the time, as they shared their symptoms and struggles. By the second person I met came along, the symptoms they expressed having really started sounding familiar. 

Fast forward to this winter when I started as a patient getting my own Physical Therapy from an incredibly talented PT in my work Outpatient system (but at a different clinic) to work on my multiple issues. He dug deep into my medical 
history and one of the first things he asked me after hearing it all was had I ever thought of Lyme disease. I remembered the things I had learned from the 2 people I had met before with the disease and started doing more of my own digging. What I found was Lyme disease was the one thing that fit my long history of inconclusive and varying symptoms over time. BUT the more I learned about it honestly the more I hoped that wasn't what was going on. And for a little longer I used excuses that I read about that I have learned to be false through my digging and homework over time like "Lyme doesn't exist in Texas" or "it's extremely rare so I likely don't have it" or "you can only get it from a tick" or "you have to remember being bit my a tick" or "you only get it if you have a bullseye rash." 

Eventually I ran out of specialists to see, and next on my list was a Lyme Literate Medical Doctor(LLMD). What that means is this Physician is trained in the extremely complex diagnosis and treatment of Lyme disease and associated co-infections. You can get other diseases transmitted with Lyme (called co-infections) that are as bad or worse than just lyme alone. I will talk about that more later, I have rambled enough and my thumbs are getting sore! I went to my LLMD and after 2 hours of going through my history was told it looks like I have Lyme and maybe 1 or 2 co-infections. The testing for Lyme is so unreliable and the accuracy of the testing sucks (I'll talk about that more another time too). But because the accuracy sucks, Lyme disease should be a clinical diagnosis, meaning a LLMD experienced and well versed with the complexity of the disease makes a decision after evaluating all the data, not one in-accurate test deciding if you have the disease. When I first went I was taking a short dose of prednisone because I was so desperate for help to make it through my day. For that reason I was immune supressed and testing at that time would certainly be un-reliable until a later time when the Meds were out of my system. 

So I first worked on my gut health to prepare for antibiotics. I got hard core with my diet and started a lot of supplements and probiotics. And I studied more about Lyme. I started finding people's blogs where they talked about their journey, issues and struggles with the disease. Which by the way can be so severe it can cause death, being confound to a wheelchair, cause seizures and much more. YIKES. More on that later too. 5 weeks later I went back and started on antibiotics. Because Lyme can change shape/form to hide and protect itself from being killed/harmed/destroyed in the body to efficiently treat or kill off the Lyme you have to treat each form the bacteria can take (spirochete, L-form, and cyst, although some new research shows one is more like round but basic concept applies). If you only take one pill designed to kill the spirochete, the Lyme conforms to one of the other 2 forms to survive in the body. Treat all 3 forms and there is no where to hide. That's the idea anyway. I started my treatment on Sunday April 13th and worked up over 4 weeks to the 3 anti-biotic treatment I am currently taking. I am now on my 8th week of treatment and already seeing a big difference in my energy level. I have slowly started tolerating return to some exercising and other small (but big deal to me) things here and there, (like chasing my nephews around briefly) but still resting and making good choices so I don't pay for it later. I altered my work hours for a little while to give myself more time to get much needed rest. At first I got much worse on the medicine. MUCH worse. But I persevered. The fact that things got worse, and now are improving is a very good indication that my hunch and clues from God that I had Lyme disease were correct. 

Wednesday I go back for another follow up visit with my LLMD. We will finally do testing. After starting the medicine, we had to wait about a month after I first started getting worse from the die off (called a herx reaction) for the immune system to create the antibodies it produces when fighting off the disease. Because the medicine starts the killing cascade if you will, the immune system creates antibodies or targeted killers specific for Lyme, all over again. It takes about a month for those to be able to show up in the specific Lyme test for the antibodies. This is the best chance at a test being positive if I have the disease. (I am getting and Igenex western blot test done for those familiar with what that means). 

I will be entirely honest. I don't entirely 100% know that I have lyme. All evidence so far points to it. A part of me really hopes I don't (I wouldn't wish the disease on anyone). And another part of me needs concrete evidence that says yes I for sure have it. Regardless I am anxious to see the results when they come back. I will keep you all posted when I know. 

If your still awake, thank you for taking the time to read through my looong post. Please feel free to ask any questions if you have any! Thanks for all the support, love and prayers. Seriously some of the kind responses I have gotten really help me get through the hard days. 

I will close with saying I believe God placed certain remarkable people and paths in my life to point me in the direction I am in now (and hey I'm improving so something is working!). I encourage you all to be better than I was at listening to God's signs of where your next path should go, regardless of what area of your life it pertains to. Listen to God speaking to you! (A great message at my church this last week by the way about this)

Xo Tara

"Get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the message God has planted in your hearts, for it is strong enough to save your soul" 
James 1:21

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Week 6

So I was going to write about how all my autoimmune issues started. When, what it was like etc. Instead I decided to share some good news. (I'llget to that another time)

I am starting to slowly feel better!! I am almost scared to say it out loud in fear it's a fluke but I can say with honesty that I am seeing improvement in certain areas. I know I still have a long road ahead of me but I am excited to feel some changes, it's very encouraging. I even felt so good last Saturday I wake boarded. I am still sore from it but it was wonderful to feel alive again. I love the water. 

Usually by the end of Thursday I am pretty worn out from the week and all I feel like doing is coming home and going straight to bed. Guess what, I still have some energy left in me! My pains are definately still there. My feet feel like they're on fire and my knees are both really sore. Other than that I would say it's a better day! One of a few I have had over the last week.

I started back on exercise. Very slowly and on days I can handle it. MAN do I miss it and it feels so good to do something again! I am one of those people that needs to workout to stay sane. I've grown up an athlete and it's a part of me, that's all there is to it. 

I also started treatment for heavy medal toxicity. I have slightly elevated levels of lead and mercury.

Whatever it is that's helping I hope it keeps up, for now I am grateful for my better days and working on getting stronger and back to my old self :) 


"And whatsoever ye do, in word or in deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Colossians 3:17

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Why I decided to share

If you know me personally you know I am not the type of person to openly share personal things. I am more of the sit back and observe a crowd type of person. 

After going through what I have been going through and learning more and more about this horrible disease (more to come at a later time), the politics involved in it (more to come at a later time) and the pure lack of awareness I decided it was time I started sharing. I hope it helps people. 

I would like to share an example that I had today of how important more awareness is and of how truely great our God is. I also obtained permission from this patient to share and for their privacy, will refer to them as bear (my dog's name :) ) 

I have been treating bear as a patient for a while now and have grown to learn about bear's medical history and struggles for almost 2 decades now. Bear said a prayer before starting Physical Therapy that God would put bear with the right person that could help with the pain, suffering and finding answers. I helped bear realize something systemic had to be going on with all of bears issues and medical history and asked if bear had ever been tested for Lyme disease. Bear didn't know anything about Lyme nor had any of the multiple different health care specialist in different fields over many years ever think to ask the same question. After begging a doctor to do a test for Lyme with other testing that was being done, bear came in today and told me the test for Lyme was positive. 

If that isn't God's work I don't know what is! My heart breaks for bear knowing what the diagnosis means but I am thrilled to have been a part in helping someone find the answers they need to get on the path to getting their life back. I only wish I could have helped sooner. Hang in their Bear, it's a bumpy road but you have one amazing God and all his angels watching out for you!

This saying is for you tonight Bear:

"Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel."
Philippians 4:6-7

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

My symptoms

One of the first questions I get asked is what my symptoms are. Which with my disease is a fun question to answer because they vary, move around, and can change a lot within each week, day, and hour even. Here we go:

1. Fatigue
Over time my fatigue has progressed to levels I didn't know possible. Some days it feels like I have been hit by a semi. Sometimes just sitting up makes me exhausted. It's almost like the way you feel after getting a really bad flu, but all the time and often worse. So at times fatigue/pure exhaustion alone makes me stay in bed all day.

2. Burning feet
For me this started in 2010 during PT school when I started clinical rotations and those oh so pretty shoes with heels became much harder to wear (yes I am just a little bit of a girly girl from time to time). This feels like I stand on fire. It gets progressively worse the longer I am on my feet cumulatively during the week. And it is not plantar fasciitis but has a lot of similarities. 

3. Joint pains
Location of pain and severity moves around a lot. Basically at all times I am having some kind of joint pains but where and how bad varies. I get pain in: neck, elbows, wrists, fingers, back, hips, knees, feet and around ribs/sternum when I wake up. At it's worst, everywhere hurts. Bad. 

4. Neuropathy
I already mentioned burning in my feet. All extremities have tingling and some numbness, worse in my legs than upper extremity. I'll go ahead and add in here circulation issues, coldness to extremities. Raynaud's

5. Headaches
Daily

6. Brain stuff
That's my medical term. Decreased mental capacity, decreased short term memory (if I don't write it down it's not going to happen), trouble speaking English (forgetting words or forming sentences). On that note don't judge me on my inevitable grammar and or spelling mistakes. I swear I have a Doctorate degree.

7. Weakness
Kind of goes in with the fatigue but my weakness seems more than what a normal amount of deconditioning would be for not working out. Let's just say sometimes one flight of stairs takes me a while and by the end of the day my legs buckle under me some with walking.

8. Stomach issues
Food sensitivities, really medication sensitivities too, GI issues. If eat a little bit of the wrong thing it can mean a day spent in bed or the toilet. (Don't act like you have never used it!). For this reason I now strictly abide by my doctor's recommendation to have no gluten, dairy, added sugar or alcohol. It's not easy, but when you get bad enough you will do anything to try and help. Along the way I am learning a lot about "real" food and using it as medicine. I plan to live a really long time. 103, I'm calling it. 

9. Mood swings
So stay on my good side! Just kidding, but if I am being fully honest I have more agitation and some depression/anxiety at times.

10. Insomnia 

I think that is the main stuff of right now. Honestly, some of the symptoms have changed, developed or progressed over time. They continue to vary or new things show up. 


"When I felt my feet slipping, you came with your love and kept me steady. And when I was burdened with worries, you comforted me and made me feel secure." 
Psalms 94:18-19 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Welcome

Thanks for stopping by. I wanted to create a place to record my journey to wellness, in hopes that other's out there can know that they are not alone.

I don't want to get into my long  medical and health history story tonight but this is where I am at now:

I am currently being treated for chronic Lyme disease. I just started week 5 today. There will be more to come of information about that. For those that don't know much about this disease, you are not alone. It seems not many are aware of the fastest growing vector bourbe illness in the United States according to the CDC. And the more I learn, the more I realize it is far more complicated in every way possible.

A good place to start for trustworthy information is www.ilads.org 

Another great source is to watch the documentary video "Under Our Skin" you can find it free online but just a warning it is a lengthy one.

For those reading, I invite you all to listen and follow on my journey and fight to get my life back. It's been a bumpy road so far but if their is one thing you will learn about me, I NEVER give up. No matter how hard, how long or how much I have to endure I will find the way to health again.

2 Corinthians 1: 3-5
"Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."


Tara