Sunday, August 3, 2014

I call this, but you look so normal

My favorite compliment is you look so normal, you don't look sick! Makes me wonder if I should have went into acting :) but I was far too shy growing up to do that! Luckily I grew out of a lot of it. I just wanted to try and share bits and pieces of a day in my Lyme life..


This is what I spend at least 30 minutes or more preparing each weekend for the upcoming week. It is one week of the Meds and suppliments I have to take.


This is my box of stuff I take. I pull from each bottle to sort my week ahead. I made a speadsheet now to follow with all I take on it each day. Otherwise I can't keep track of how much of what all to take when.


Then I transfer one day's worth of pills to this handy container I keep in my purse. It saves me from forgetting to take the Meds when I was at home and left before taking them or something like that. Lessons learned!


My wild and crazy Saturday nights. Don't be jealous! :)

Since I like to end on a positive note, here is me and cutie Cade. My nephews are better medicine than any bottle can provide :) 

There, a now doesn't that face just make you feel better?! (Not mine haha)

I go to my Lyme doctor tomorrow for a follow up visit and I am praying for some changes in my plan that make a difference. Thank you for those that have already donated, your contributions will go toward my cost of my appointment tomorrow! To donate please see the link in my last post. 

Love,

Tara

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my partion...therefore I hope in him!"
La 3:22-24 NKJV


Saturday, August 2, 2014

Fundraising website

I made the hard decision to make a donation site to help with my Medical bills. If you are interested check it out here:


https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/tara-s-lyme-fight-fund/213367


Tara

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Is there a science experiment growing in your body?

A science experiment growing inside me is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear talk about toxic mold in your body aka "mycotoxins"

Apparently this can really be a big problem for people, and well it looks like you can add me to the list. Because if it's weird or rare I am a pro at having it apparently! (Pardon the sarcasm) On a serious note I got mycotoxin testing done through Real Time Laboratories in Carrollton, TX. All you have to do is get a test kit and mail them your pee. Oh and fork up $700 (big ouch) that insurance doesn't re-imburse you for. 

I tested positive for Trichothecene Group. Not sure what that means but I just started reading an article my LLMD (Lyme Literate Medical Doctor) sent me about Mold. And I quote "Trichothecenes are considered extremely toxic and have been used as biological warfare agents" Great!! That sounds fun..yeah can you get this stuff out of me please?!

I was told the mold can possibly cause many of the symptoms and issues I'm currently having so the doc wants me to see a specialist to do an intensive mold detox program. So this is the latest area of research and studying and possibly (likely) going to pursue medically. It's always interesting seeing what road this disease and journey to wellness leads me down next, but MAN is it exhausting. 

My life now is: doctor appointments, refer to new specialist, do paperwork for new doc, fax paperwork, find old medical records, re-fax since they didn't get them, submit claim to insurance for back pay which come to find out I won't get any, order supplements, keep track of multiple supplement inventory and order before running out, sort huge pill box for the weekly Meds, make all food from house because of strict clean non/toxic diet, read about nutrition, methylation/MTHFR, Lyme treatment protocols, mold and heavy medal detox protocols, try to get lots of prayer and worship in because Lord knows how oh so bad I need it right now, workout, pass out from working out when I was too exhausted or pushing too hard, sauna, get massage/body work (not complaining about that part!) to help muscle and joint pain, grocery shop for picky healthy foods only at certain stores so got to go to them separately and in time to not run out of my favorites, place farmer's market orders in advance so they have what I want saved and don't run out, cry because I can hardly walk and have to push myself up to stand, pay medical bills, stress over how the heck am I gonna pay for all this, order RX refills, call because the MD wrote for the wrong RX amount (twice, and with the same med)...then add in any work stress, family stress, other life stress and my cup is feeling pretty darn full. Ok it feels past full..

I apologize for complaining so much tonight but I am so exhausted and so worn out from all of this taking a toll on me. This is me and my life right now. And it's not getting better...YET 

I just keep reaching new lows knowing that my uphill just has to be coming soon. Literally, I'm not sure I can take much more, but I do know that I WAS BORN FOR THIS. I was born the take it. 

So I end my post tonight with IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT LYME?!! Cause you're gonna have to try a heck of a lot harder to take me down :) 

-side note, sorry to my closest loved ones I have broken down on, complained to and possibly copped and attitude with recently. 😱 Thank you so much for your love, support and understanding! And remember your prayers under agreement with my prayers bring miracles into action:

Matthew 18:19-20
"Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by the Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."

Peace and love,

Tara

Friday, July 18, 2014

Sunday, July 13, 2014

3 months and counting

Well it has been 3 months now since I started treatment. 

First off, who has time to blog?! I have really been slacking lately, because I still have so much I want to share about Lyme. Like anywhere from 40-60%-ish (different sources have diff numbers) of suffers don't remember being bit by a tick. I don't. And other sources say Mosquitos or other biting or blood sucking insects can also transmit. I shared an article recently of a collaboration of testing across big Texas Universities testing ticks throughout Texas and northern Mexico. And ticks had lyme, and based on our climate they are here to stay. Here's the article:
http://bionews-tx.com/news/2014/06/25/lyme-disease-bacteria-now-endemic-to-texas-likely-to-stick-around-study-finds/

 One day I will get around to saying all I want to say. But I have been busy re-claiming my life and learning how to balance living it and listening to what my body needs. I'm doing what's best for me right now. Well trying to :) It's a learning process. And a lot of times that means doing something else besides posting. However, I do get called to share things and after what happened today I couldn't resist. 

I have been struggling the last several weeks with my symptoms. Overall I am not really sure I can say I have made a lot or possibly any progress compared to before starting treatment. I have definitely gotten better at managing it with various tools and tricks I have learned, but my pain still sucks and my fatigue isn't where I would like it to be. Being the person I am I keep pushing to do more and go go go. Maybe it's just been catching up with me more. On to my story I wanted to share:

I woke up this morning feeling bad. Like have to help push myself up from a seated position with my arms, I literally bear crawled up and down the stairs bad. (Nice visual huh?!) The kinda day where you have the strength to basically lay in bed all day. Which I haven't been that bad since the whole "it gets worse before better" (aka herx reaction) after first starting Meds. I normally go to the 10am service at my church. Today I opted to watch online. It's amazing how God plans his ways to work in your life when you need it most. The service today was about rejoicing in God always and especially in harder times. We should praise him as though he has already brought you through your tough time or already answered your prayers having faith he will. Praise him and be happy that you have a faithful servant God. Well I was hearing the message and by then bawling and crying out. I started praising and worshiping God and then I heard it in the clearest voice: "Stand up my child." God had spoken to me. I stood and immediately started feeling better and stronger. I got more energy and knew I was going to able to finish the day as I originally intended (going to my nephew's soccer game, then aunt and uncles house to see family etc). His words were calm, stern yet gentle. Get up my child. And I am so grateful for this day he has brought me feeling better!

It's always a little hard for me opening up and sharing so deeply but I know it's for a reason somewhere somehow. I hope you choose to praise God today because MAN HE IS GOOD! Can I get an Amen?!!  

Thanks for following my progress, and feel free to comment or ask questions is you have any! Ps no test results yet, not sure why they are taking so long. Have a blessed Sunday everybody 

Love,
Tara


1 Peter 6-7:

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer, grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuiness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

100 baby!

Well I went for my 3rd follow up appointment today. 

This was my favorite part and had me crying happy tears once it sunk in:

I asked about my future prognosis. I was told I am expected to make 100% recovery. Not mostly, not 90% but 100%!! I am still a little in shock. The only but or stipulation would be if I have cartilage joint damage that happened during the many years of issues, but I don't think I have any or if so very little. BOOM! Best news ever! And I am still in shock :) did I mention I am in shock?!

It won't happen tomorrow. I was given a time frame 6-18 months. I am shooting for 4 ;)

Bring it on!!!

Best wishes to all tonight.

Love Tara


"Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you" 
Matthew 7:7 

Monday, June 2, 2014

In the beginning, from then until now

I wanted to share when and how my health problems started. Brace yourself, this is a long one. To the best of my ability, so here we go:

My big "autoimmune" blow up happened towards the end of the summer of 2008.

To back up a little before that I would say my issues started within the last 1-2 years (or maybe a little more) of undergraduate school. I played volleyball in college and had a lot of pains that I contributed to "athletic injuries" or "overuse" pain. Normal for a college athlete right? Well looking back I believe I had more going on than normal sports related pain, at least towards my last years. I just thought I was getting old rounding out my early 20's and all!

More noticeable/note worthy things that happened were some random attacks of "air hunger." A feeling that you can't get a breath in and like your lungs are closed off. Doctors called it exercise induced asthma, gave me an inhailer (which did nothing) and couldn't find anything wrong with my lungs or heart. It would happen very randomly, one day I was out running my teammates doing suicides (just kidding guys if any of y'all are reading this!) the next day I couldn't breathe. Along the same lines a few times in the middle of games or practice my face would go white, I would struggle to catch any breath and it felt like I lost circulation to my feet and hands. Then I would get really anxious that I was going to pass out (but never did thank goodness).

I have always loved naps. But my last year of undergrad I basically needed one to get through the day. An overwhelming need to lay down. At least that is when it started.

So then to fast forward a bit, I graduated in December of 2007, started pre-requisites for Physical Therapy school, worked as a Physical Therapy tech and continued running my swim lesson business summer of 2008. 

The big blow up: (starting end of summer 2008)

Ok on to the definitive changing point. It started with sore elbows when I layed on my stomach studying, it made me change positions. Then one knuckle got swollen and painful like I just jammed it blocking playing volleyball. Then two, then 3 then all. It fairly quickly progressed to every joint on both sides of my body from elbows down and knees down being swollen, stiff and extremely painful. I couldn't workout anymore, I could hardly walk (I was limping). I had to walk sideways down the stairs in the AM. Couldn't open a jar, water bottle and just turning the door knob hurt. I had flu-like fatigue and weakness and more air hunger issues. Regular naps were again a must. Even the bridge of my nose got inflamed, I could see it in my daily sight, and was tender and pink. I also got a little rash on the inner corners of my eyes. A bunch of weird stuff was going on!

I went to my doctor finally (I am a little stubborn and didn't want someone telling me I couldn't be a Physical Therapist one day). He ran a lot of tests. The only things that showed up were elevated systemic inflammation markers (duh) SED rate and CRP. I started prednisone and that helped right away. I took that for a while but after I tapered down low dose and off of it, I was still having issues. I went to a Rheumatologist  that did a lot more test and was a bit stooped by me. Incidentally I had an atypical positive P-ANCA blood test (atypical basically means not a strong conclusive positive). So he diagnosed me with a type of small vessel ANCA associated Vasculitis. They are 3 that are closely related but have different symptoms and presentations. Since I didn't fit any profiles nicely he kept changing what diagnosis he called it and seemed uninterested in my less severe but still persistent problems I still complained of. Regardless I was taking methotrexate and prednisone for a while and was still making progress. I got off prednisone after maybe close to a year on a low dose (not sure exactly how long) and continued with methotrexate. By then I was able to do what I wanted to do and managed my symptoms with lots of NSAIDS. 

When I got into PT school at UT Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas (which is also a top ranked amazing medical school) I went to a Rhematologost there since they have top leading doctors. That doctor took one brief look at me and said I think your fine and don't have the ANCA associated Vasculitis. The only thing he could find in my bloodwork was a positive ANA (non-specific marker for something autoimmune going on in the body). He took me off methotrexate. I continued to have pain of a non-orthopedic pattern (which drives a PT student crazy trying to self diagnose) and started having tingling/burning and tarsal tunnel like symptoms. I would lose circulation and have numbness and swelling in hands and feet working out, with occasional difficulty breathing like my air hunger issues. The pain would get so bad I'd sometimes have to take pain medicine. 

So I went back searching for more answers. I wanted to make sure I didn't have any systemic inflammation again, but again all tests were negative. I went to an excellent orthopedic surgeon to have my knees evaluated. MRI's and scanning by that MD and a handful of skilled PT's were without explanations. By then I was also already trying to self treat things like my knee pain with some exercises/things to help.

The next few years were filled with more NSAIDs, worsening burning of my feet through clinical rotations and starting my career, and worsening and progressive joint pains. By then I started having more difficulty critically thinking by the end of the day, and short term memory was difficult at times. 

I've been to 2 Neurologists after my numbness/tingling/burning that was going on in my feet and up my legs started in my hands. My nerve symptoms are always in my hands and feet, then as they get worse (varying by time of day or if I'm having a good or bad day) it moves closer to my trunk (or up my arms and legs). The Neurologists concluded I have normal sensory and motor nerve function (a very good thing) but by clinical presentation a small fiber neuropathy. That means it affects the fibers that control pain and temperature. So it hurts (I could have told them that) and I don't differentiate hot and cold as well with my hands and feet. I was told it's the best prognostic kind to have (meaning better chance of getting better one day, hopefully) but most painful kind. 

Around last summer (2013) my symptoms were starting to bother me so much it was getting harder and harder to do my job. Which by the way I LOVE, worked hard for, and never want to give up.

I went to a 3rd Rheumatologist who put me back on medicine I took before (methotrexate/prednisone combo). I maybe got a tiny bit of help from prednisone but overall got no better and continued to worsen. By then it was safe to say I had done lots of homework. With my medical background I had some knowledge of autoimmune conditions but I studied more. I tried to find anything and everything out there that could fit my complex symptoms and history. I went to a functional medicine doctor and got food allergy tested, stool analysis done (yes I sent my poop in the mail, don't judge me), and learned more about healing my gut and stomach issues with him and through functional medicine. I was introduced to functional medicine in PT school and hope more and more doctors practice under more of their philosophy. They look for the root cause of illness and problems instead of giving pills for everything (basically masking the symptoms and not resolving underlying problems). I'm getting side tracked, here's the website if you want to check it out:

https://www.functionalmedicine.org 

Back to trying to figure out what was going on. The Rheumatologist and I concluded I never had the ANCA associated vasculitis and didn't know what was really wrong. She recommended more Rhuematology specialists to see. (One she recommended was going to UTSW which is already done by the way. 

I decided it was time I listened to my signs.

I had the opportunity to meet 2 remarkable people in my past that now looking back, changed my life. They were living with Lyme disease. I listened with empathy and interest in learning more about this disease, that I admittedly was unfamiliar with at the time, as they shared their symptoms and struggles. By the second person I met came along, the symptoms they expressed having really started sounding familiar. 

Fast forward to this winter when I started as a patient getting my own Physical Therapy from an incredibly talented PT in my work Outpatient system (but at a different clinic) to work on my multiple issues. He dug deep into my medical 
history and one of the first things he asked me after hearing it all was had I ever thought of Lyme disease. I remembered the things I had learned from the 2 people I had met before with the disease and started doing more of my own digging. What I found was Lyme disease was the one thing that fit my long history of inconclusive and varying symptoms over time. BUT the more I learned about it honestly the more I hoped that wasn't what was going on. And for a little longer I used excuses that I read about that I have learned to be false through my digging and homework over time like "Lyme doesn't exist in Texas" or "it's extremely rare so I likely don't have it" or "you can only get it from a tick" or "you have to remember being bit my a tick" or "you only get it if you have a bullseye rash." 

Eventually I ran out of specialists to see, and next on my list was a Lyme Literate Medical Doctor(LLMD). What that means is this Physician is trained in the extremely complex diagnosis and treatment of Lyme disease and associated co-infections. You can get other diseases transmitted with Lyme (called co-infections) that are as bad or worse than just lyme alone. I will talk about that more later, I have rambled enough and my thumbs are getting sore! I went to my LLMD and after 2 hours of going through my history was told it looks like I have Lyme and maybe 1 or 2 co-infections. The testing for Lyme is so unreliable and the accuracy of the testing sucks (I'll talk about that more another time too). But because the accuracy sucks, Lyme disease should be a clinical diagnosis, meaning a LLMD experienced and well versed with the complexity of the disease makes a decision after evaluating all the data, not one in-accurate test deciding if you have the disease. When I first went I was taking a short dose of prednisone because I was so desperate for help to make it through my day. For that reason I was immune supressed and testing at that time would certainly be un-reliable until a later time when the Meds were out of my system. 

So I first worked on my gut health to prepare for antibiotics. I got hard core with my diet and started a lot of supplements and probiotics. And I studied more about Lyme. I started finding people's blogs where they talked about their journey, issues and struggles with the disease. Which by the way can be so severe it can cause death, being confound to a wheelchair, cause seizures and much more. YIKES. More on that later too. 5 weeks later I went back and started on antibiotics. Because Lyme can change shape/form to hide and protect itself from being killed/harmed/destroyed in the body to efficiently treat or kill off the Lyme you have to treat each form the bacteria can take (spirochete, L-form, and cyst, although some new research shows one is more like round but basic concept applies). If you only take one pill designed to kill the spirochete, the Lyme conforms to one of the other 2 forms to survive in the body. Treat all 3 forms and there is no where to hide. That's the idea anyway. I started my treatment on Sunday April 13th and worked up over 4 weeks to the 3 anti-biotic treatment I am currently taking. I am now on my 8th week of treatment and already seeing a big difference in my energy level. I have slowly started tolerating return to some exercising and other small (but big deal to me) things here and there, (like chasing my nephews around briefly) but still resting and making good choices so I don't pay for it later. I altered my work hours for a little while to give myself more time to get much needed rest. At first I got much worse on the medicine. MUCH worse. But I persevered. The fact that things got worse, and now are improving is a very good indication that my hunch and clues from God that I had Lyme disease were correct. 

Wednesday I go back for another follow up visit with my LLMD. We will finally do testing. After starting the medicine, we had to wait about a month after I first started getting worse from the die off (called a herx reaction) for the immune system to create the antibodies it produces when fighting off the disease. Because the medicine starts the killing cascade if you will, the immune system creates antibodies or targeted killers specific for Lyme, all over again. It takes about a month for those to be able to show up in the specific Lyme test for the antibodies. This is the best chance at a test being positive if I have the disease. (I am getting and Igenex western blot test done for those familiar with what that means). 

I will be entirely honest. I don't entirely 100% know that I have lyme. All evidence so far points to it. A part of me really hopes I don't (I wouldn't wish the disease on anyone). And another part of me needs concrete evidence that says yes I for sure have it. Regardless I am anxious to see the results when they come back. I will keep you all posted when I know. 

If your still awake, thank you for taking the time to read through my looong post. Please feel free to ask any questions if you have any! Thanks for all the support, love and prayers. Seriously some of the kind responses I have gotten really help me get through the hard days. 

I will close with saying I believe God placed certain remarkable people and paths in my life to point me in the direction I am in now (and hey I'm improving so something is working!). I encourage you all to be better than I was at listening to God's signs of where your next path should go, regardless of what area of your life it pertains to. Listen to God speaking to you! (A great message at my church this last week by the way about this)

Xo Tara

"Get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the message God has planted in your hearts, for it is strong enough to save your soul" 
James 1:21